Awkward Night Out

To explain this awkwardness, I have to go back and explain where things are with me and Xiaolong now. The answer: still unclear, but not as bad as I thought? Thursday night, after spending the day filming that music video, I got back to our dorms around 6pm. At that time I called Avi and he said that a group of classmates was going to Helen’s to eat dinner. I readily agreed, changed clothes, and went out as well. At that point, Xiaolong had not answered my “Are you mad at me?” text, I felt mad myself. As I saw it, there were only two possibilities: (1) his cell phone got stolen, (2) he didn’t have the balls to text “maybe it’s better not to date, let’s be friends instead”. I found the possibility of option one to be very small, so I went to Helen’s with my “ignore him” game face on. Unfortunately, it was not a busy night; there were only 4 other tables besides us, so the first thing I see as I walk in is his face. He came over and hugged me hello, I acted totally cool and nonchalant the whole time, we talked a little about our days and that was it. After we sat down, ordered food, and ate it though, my anger began to simmer. I really liked him so I wanted to still be friends, but I’m not the type of person who can ignore the pink elephant in a tiny room. Whenever he would walk by me to take orders or serve food, the tension was palpable; also, sometimes I would look over and see him looking at me. So around 9pm, he was sitting at a table by himself and doing the whole looking at me thing again, so I took the opportunity to confront the situation.

Me: I don’t want things to be awkward, so I’m just going to say it, would it have been so hard to text back? I would understand the, “let’s be friends” thing.

Him: I didn’t text because I didn’t know what I wanted either

Then we started talking about normal things, like what’s been going on in our lives for the last few days, even joked around a little bit. The whole time, though, he kept looking at me with those puppy dog eyes, so annoying. He asked me what made me mad to start with, I started with his lack of communication. He asked if I liked phone calls or texting more (texting), so he promised to start texting more often. He then asked which one of my friends suggested that I delete his number, he assumed that it was Patrick (he thinks Patrick wants to kind of get with me) but I explained that it wasn’t and it was just because he didn’t pay that much attention to me that night that I doubted his intentions, therefore I listened to my friend. He was also glad to hear that I was staying in Chin for the winter break. Then at the end, I said, “I’m glad we could work things out, we will be great friends”. His response: “Are you sure you just want to be friends? You won’t reconsider dating?” He definitely is not going to get out of the dog house that easily, I told him he had to shape up and then I would consider. So throughout the night, he would come up and talk to me randomly, he kept asking if I still liked him and if we had a chance, to which my response was a continual, “Maybe”. I’m not trying to play games or anything, I just want to see what he will do, if he doesn’t set up a date within the next week, he’s over.

He went to eat in the kitchen with the other staff; I was bored at this point, so I went to a table with two Chinese guys and just started a conversation about the dice game they were playing. I sat with them and they began teaching me how to play. Sometime later, Xiaolong got done eating and came around, he watched us suspiciously for a little bit but didn’t interfere. After maybe 10 minutes he came over to “help” me learn how to play, but in actuality he came over to put his arm around me and probably make it clear to the other guys not to try something. I’m a very independent female, but I enjoyed the show nonetheless. In the end, we talked some more, and he walked me back home around 3. I thought he was going to try for a goodnight kiss for a second (which would have totally turned me off, because I just semi-forgave him), but he was respectful the whole time. He not only walked me to my building, but up the three flights of stairs to my room too, then we hugged goodbye.

The true awkwardness occurred Friday (yesterday) night, I walked into Helen’s for a friend’s going away party to run into Dictionary 2. I didn’t blog about him before so let me give a brief summary. I met him at a Halloween Party, he’s a music major focusing on hip-hop, his free-style raps are insanely good, and we went on one kind of date (which ended in a kiss….so embarrassing). The second I walked in he was all over me, making me sit at their table, giving me drinks, making kissy faces, the whole kit and caboodle. I usually don’t mind flirting, but the fact that I still haven’t allowed Xiaolong a kiss (I know he wouldn’t have minded one the night before) and suddenly there was a guy who I did kiss in the same room was very awkward for me. Of course, I would never admit to Xiaolong that we went on a date, that’s on a need to know basis. But Xiaolong’s co-workers seeing another guy with his arm around me was not a very good thing, so I told Rapper that I have a boyfriend now. (Not true but drastic times call for drastic measures). Rapper asked if he was at the bar, because if not it didn’t matter (what a dog!), I said he was coming over soon and escaped that train wreck. XL had to go home early because he had the morning shift the next day, said goodbye, and was off. For the first time, I went home instead of clubbing with the rest of my friends; I was bone-tired and am glad I got the sleep. So what’s up with me and Xiaolong now? I’m not sure, but I’m not angry anymore and he is on probation. Life is too short, so if he doesn’t shape up it’s on to the next one!

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